1. Using Too Many Special Effects
There is a reason that these things are called “special” effects; because they are supposed to be “special” as in rare. Perhaps I’m jaded but I can tell a computer generated character or effect a mile away and as cool as they can be I don’t want them in every scene. I’m speaking heavily to you George Lucas. To the credit of Lucas Arts, they are damn fine at what they do, but when a movie too heavily relies on it’s special effects to drive the story and the interest then what’s the point of having characters at all? It’s no wonder actors these days are not as convincing, they have to interact with a green screen half the time. Heck I’m even going to call out Lord of the Rings. Gollum was an incredible acting job, but I couldn’t get into the character because he looked fake. Movies, especially the big blockbusters, need to take a step back from the computer and allow actors to drive the story again.

2. Pretty People With Problems
This sounds really superficial but I think it needs to be said. I don’t care about supermodels playing characters. I want characters I can relate to. When they look so pretty they’re inhuman I’ve lost interest. I’m not really blaming the actors par se; I’m speaking of the makeup artists who cake on so much of the stuff that I feel like I’m looking at a whole other dimension where no one is “real” looking anymore. What happened to casting people who can actually play a character as opposed to someone who has the “look?” Please start finding actors who can act and stay away from the runway for a little while.

3.  Boom, Boom, Die
I love a cool explosion so don’t get me wrong, however, there is a point when a movie stops relying on story and characters and starts relying on it’s explosions and stunts. To you movie executives out there, you do know that you can have both right? What makes Die Hard a better movie than, say, Terminator 3? Freaking John McClane! A character! A character that is both awesome and relatable. He does awesome stunts and causes lots of cool explosions, but those things become part of the story because his reaction to surviving those things is the same reaction anyone else would have, “Holy Sh**!, that was stupid! Why am I still alive!?” Explosions for the sake of explosions takes away from their impact and makes them not as breathtaking. Dial down the stupid, bring in some smart.

4. Remakes / Reboots
I really don’t need to say much more than in the past few years at least one third of the horror movies that have been released have been remakes. Are they worth it? No. No matter how awesome Rob Zombie is, just…no.

5. Hack Directors
This might just get me in very hot water, but the three most overrated hack directors of the past ten years are Uwe Boll, McG, and Michael Bay. These three men have no place behind a major motion picture and should only be relegated to directing children’s musicals at their local schools. Their movies break all of the rules I’ve stated so far, yet they are paid enormous amounts of cash to churn out awful flicks that the major studios force down our throats and convince us will be worth our $7.50 (or $15.00 if it’s an IMAX). Do yourself and everyone you know a favor and don’t see a motion picture that has any of these three folk’s names attached to it.

Ultimately this list asks the question, “When did mediocrity become acceptable in Hollywood?” I love film, and I want to see it flourish. Every year there are a handful of films that make it to the big screen that I truly enjoy and give me hope that there is a bright future for cinema. Let’s hope that these are five fads that will die out soon so that the adults can start running the show again. We the people can make that happen by voting with our wallets. Until next time…

1. Big Thick Rectangle Glasses
This is not a stab at those who need thick glasses, but for those who’s vision doesn’t  require these bulky monstrosities. It’s bad enough that the bug eyed sunglasses of the 80’s are back in style, but the thick 50’s hipster glasses were a syle that died with the 60s. Let it go already.

2. Unkempt Hair
We all get it, you just rolled out of bed and you don’t care about your hair because you just spent all night studying for your advanced theoretical physics exam. That, or you just spent two hours in the bathroom teasing your hair to make it look that way. Sloppy people don’t impress anyone.

3.Beret
Maybe when French people wear them it’s considered cool. American’s who wear them look pretentious. I have a hypothesis: The size of your beret shows how big a geekbag you are.

4. Vintage T-Shirts
This is going to get me into hot water but hear me out. It’s not vogue to wear ratty worn T-Shirts. You look homeless not cool.

5. Bow Ties
Only children and groomsmen wear bow ties. Period.

So there we have it. Until next time…

Can you believe this kid made money off this? Geez, I need someone to sue!

How every Mac should be retired, preferably immediately after purchase.

So we all know that geeks are usually quite smart about many things. Food is not one of them. However, instead of using this article to rail against the  non-nutritional nature of geeky food I’m going to celebrate it. This was quite a large list I started with and had to nail it down to five of the most eaten and well known among us geeks. So here it is; I present you the five geekiest foods.

5. Pizza
So we all know that this food is pretty much eaten by everybody which is why it’s not higher on the list, however, geeks consume abnormally large amount of the stuff. Have you ever been to a friend’s house and seen that they have a pile of pizza boxes as tall as them? Me too. Honestly though can you blame us? Pizza is delicious, relatively cheap, and can be delivered right to your door. We could spend some time fixing a nice salad for ourselves, or we could go with convenience and finish this video game before daybreak. Now pass me slice of pepperoni before it gets cold.

4. Potato and Corn Chips
No LAN party (do those even happen any more?), tabletop game, or movie night would be complete without a bowl or bag of these crunchy delights. Say what you want about their fattening qualities; a good bag of chips will never let you down. They are cheap, taste great, and portable. We could go eat an apple, or we could open this bag of Doritos and share them with our friends. A bag of chips brings people together. Chips could save the world.

3. Energy Drinks
Every MMO player knows that they need three things: a computer, the internet, and an energy drink. Every tabletop gamer knows that they need three things: friends, imagination, and an energy drink. I think you see the pattern here. Not to be outdone by the skateboarders and extreme sports folks, we geeks have hijacked the energy drink market and made it our own. Don’t believe me? Check this out. Or how about this. That’s some pure geektacular stuff right there. You know, we could go get a glass of milk, or we could make sure we stay up until our hallucinations become real.

2. Instant Ramen Noodles
A staple of every gamer pantry is the venerable instant ramen noodle soup. Either eaten prepared or raw this handy snack can be flavored to suit any palate. There’s really not much more to say about this stuff as it’s got so much going for it that you can truly allow your imagination to wander as to new way to prepare and serve it. We geeks love choices, and instant ramen noodle soup delivers every time. We could go boil some vegetables, or we could add them too the Ramen noodle soup and get twice what we wanted.

1. Pocky
This snack is the geekiest food there is. I don’t know of anyone who eats this stuff who isn’t. Frankly I don’t know what geeks see in it as I think it tastes a little worse than cardboard. I have a hypothesis that all of the nasty cheap chocolate that isn’t consumed during Easter (I speak of those cheap hollow Easter bunnies, awful) is gathered from around the world and sold to the folks who make Pocky. They then dip their bland bread sticks into it and sell it to cheap suckers who want to eat something “made in Japan, whoopee!” We could go and get a Snickers bar, or we could…oh forget it.

There we have it, the five geekiest foods you can consume. Until next time.

Aren’t they not supposed to hit each other?

Umm… just wow. There are more of this guy, too!