1. Using Too Many Special Effects
There is a reason that these things are called “special” effects; because they are supposed to be “special” as in rare. Perhaps I’m jaded but I can tell a computer generated character or effect a mile away and as cool as they can be I don’t want them in every scene. I’m speaking heavily to you George Lucas. To the credit of Lucas Arts, they are damn fine at what they do, but when a movie too heavily relies on it’s special effects to drive the story and the interest then what’s the point of having characters at all? It’s no wonder actors these days are not as convincing, they have to interact with a green screen half the time. Heck I’m even going to call out Lord of the Rings. Gollum was an incredible acting job, but I couldn’t get into the character because he looked fake. Movies, especially the big blockbusters, need to take a step back from the computer and allow actors to drive the story again.

2. Pretty People With Problems
This sounds really superficial but I think it needs to be said. I don’t care about supermodels playing characters. I want characters I can relate to. When they look so pretty they’re inhuman I’ve lost interest. I’m not really blaming the actors par se; I’m speaking of the makeup artists who cake on so much of the stuff that I feel like I’m looking at a whole other dimension where no one is “real” looking anymore. What happened to casting people who can actually play a character as opposed to someone who has the “look?” Please start finding actors who can act and stay away from the runway for a little while.

3.  Boom, Boom, Die
I love a cool explosion so don’t get me wrong, however, there is a point when a movie stops relying on story and characters and starts relying on it’s explosions and stunts. To you movie executives out there, you do know that you can have both right? What makes Die Hard a better movie than, say, Terminator 3? Freaking John McClane! A character! A character that is both awesome and relatable. He does awesome stunts and causes lots of cool explosions, but those things become part of the story because his reaction to surviving those things is the same reaction anyone else would have, “Holy Sh**!, that was stupid! Why am I still alive!?” Explosions for the sake of explosions takes away from their impact and makes them not as breathtaking. Dial down the stupid, bring in some smart.

4. Remakes / Reboots
I really don’t need to say much more than in the past few years at least one third of the horror movies that have been released have been remakes. Are they worth it? No. No matter how awesome Rob Zombie is, just…no.

5. Hack Directors
This might just get me in very hot water, but the three most overrated hack directors of the past ten years are Uwe Boll, McG, and Michael Bay. These three men have no place behind a major motion picture and should only be relegated to directing children’s musicals at their local schools. Their movies break all of the rules I’ve stated so far, yet they are paid enormous amounts of cash to churn out awful flicks that the major studios force down our throats and convince us will be worth our $7.50 (or $15.00 if it’s an IMAX). Do yourself and everyone you know a favor and don’t see a motion picture that has any of these three folk’s names attached to it.

Ultimately this list asks the question, “When did mediocrity become acceptable in Hollywood?” I love film, and I want to see it flourish. Every year there are a handful of films that make it to the big screen that I truly enjoy and give me hope that there is a bright future for cinema. Let’s hope that these are five fads that will die out soon so that the adults can start running the show again. We the people can make that happen by voting with our wallets. Until next time…

1. Big Thick Rectangle Glasses
This is not a stab at those who need thick glasses, but for those who’s vision doesn’t  require these bulky monstrosities. It’s bad enough that the bug eyed sunglasses of the 80’s are back in style, but the thick 50’s hipster glasses were a syle that died with the 60s. Let it go already.

2. Unkempt Hair
We all get it, you just rolled out of bed and you don’t care about your hair because you just spent all night studying for your advanced theoretical physics exam. That, or you just spent two hours in the bathroom teasing your hair to make it look that way. Sloppy people don’t impress anyone.

3.Beret
Maybe when French people wear them it’s considered cool. American’s who wear them look pretentious. I have a hypothesis: The size of your beret shows how big a geekbag you are.

4. Vintage T-Shirts
This is going to get me into hot water but hear me out. It’s not vogue to wear ratty worn T-Shirts. You look homeless not cool.

5. Bow Ties
Only children and groomsmen wear bow ties. Period.

So there we have it. Until next time…

The Brooding Antihero
We’ve seen this over and over. He/She is some sort of badass on the field of battle but off of it they are like a stranded emo goth looking for someone to hug. I can understand the concept that war erases humanity, but the Brooding Antihero is like this from the first time we meet them and never grows out of it. Their personality is that of  a 2′x4′ with a bored facial expression on it. They are a dime a dozen.

The Tough Guy
I can get that some folks have attitude and can back that up. I can get that you would want someone like that on your side in a fight. What I can’t get is that these character’s cannot turn off the loudmouth bragging ever. It gets to the point that you pray that they get beaten up so that they will shut up. However, as much as I would like to see that happen, I must admit that it’s kind of pathetic to wish pain on a series of code and pixels.

The Cheerful Damsel
Always increadibly upbeat the Cheerful Damsel represents what video games want in a princess: positive, naive, and always getting herself into trouble.  She can be a character that isn’t annoying, unfortunately, that usually isn’t the case. Your character will meet her at a point when her stupidity has gotten her into trouble and you have to bail her out. Its wonderful to have someone in the party that has “love interest” written above her head; and by wonderful I mean boring and lazy storytelling.

The Obnoxious One
If there is a character I have grown to despise in my JRPG more than any other it’s this one. He/She has many qualities as the Cheerful Damsel, only without the love interest angle and twice as rambunctious. He/She seems to think highly of themselves and is always the first to inappropriately spew out their opinions no matter how inane. It usually amounts to something along the lines of, “Come and get us ugly.” They usually play the comic relief in the story. I think it would be funny to let the party to kill the character.

Mysterious Stranger
These characters usually have the coolest angle to them. Enough so that you wish that the main character was just as interesting. They look cool, don’t really say much, and when they do it’s always important. They could be a mystical character or fighter. If there is one character archetype that JRPGs do well it’s this one.

Don’t let this list fool you; I enjoy a good JRPG. Consider this a criticism of something dear to my heart. I hope you enjoyed my rambling. Until next time.